I fell in love with a boy, who seemed like a man at the time, hiding in my basement. His silence and grace reminded me of a butterfly perched on a flower petal. Beautiful and elegant. Hearing me on the landing he turned his head to me, his eyes pierced right through me, I held my soccer ball closer to my chest. I had no idea who he was, but he frightened me, not in the way of fear, more as he awoke an emotion in me that I had not experienced yet. I had went down to the basement to bug my brother for a game, but when he asked me what I wanted after setting his weights down, I wasn't able to answer. It took my brother shouting at me before I shakily held out my ball asking if he would play a game with me, being my older brother he told me to scram, but I didn't have the muscles to move. The man-boy stood up moving closer he said, "I will play soccer with you." I couldn't move or talk, even though I was excited. I nodded. We went outside and played for a while, I had fun running after the ball when he would kick it. It was strange up until that day, I thought all guys hated me, then again the constant bulling I got sort of confirmed the idea. Even as a girl of 8 or 9 I understood that I wasn't pretty or slim, like the other girls. I was bullied everyday, but there he was, being so kind to play with a snot nosed brat. It wasn't long before my brother stole him away, he looked back once before going back inside the house, he gave a slight smile and winked. Once he was inside, I jumped with a squeal. Back then a wink was as good as a kiss. My heart sank at being alone again, but I had that moment of happiness to hold and treasure. After that day he only showed up two or three more times. Each he took sometime out of hanging with my brother to spend with me, mostly playing catch. Then he just stopped coming over, for years I waited for him to come over, to see him around town. He never came over, and I never saw him. I felt alone abandoned, barely making friends, barely able to feel. One day my thoughts were of nothing, but him, I could not get him out of my mind so I vowed in blood that one day he would be mine. I passed through the years "living" one day at a time, letting everything pass by me. However I never stopped thinking about him. I would wonder how he was doing? If he had a girlfriend? Was he driving? Silly things like that
It didn't happen until the last week of Freshman year when I started dating, and it was from this boyfriend that I had my questions answered. He was married and living in somewhere far away. Instead of making me extremely sad, I was mildly sad because I was happy that he was happy, or at least that is what I assumed, little did I know that during my Senior year, he would come back.
And come back he did. I was sitting at the Library when he walked in, my heart stopped the shot off like a rocket, it was those eyes that I longed to see. He looked so different, yet still the man-boy I remembered, he was heartbreakingly familiar, my wishes were answered. That is when I was hurt, how could he just waltz in like that? What was he doing back, he was supposed to be happy! He was supposed to have his happily ever after! I was angry at the fact that he left me and made me feel abandoned, only to come back to dash my hopes of having him. But then he looked at me, and smiled, he looked so thin my heart bleed for him, and those eyes I once knew that pierced the soul, were dulled with sadness. I do not think he realized this fact. I wanted to be with him, but once my friend saw my interest she knew he had to be her conquest, I knew I never had a chance with him, so I sort of conceded to her whims. It wasn't like I grew up into a really hot girl or even a mildly pretty one, I just got a little taller and rounder. I had once vowed that he would be mine, but time changed things, I no longer kidded myself into thinking he would be into someone like me. So I let my friend have him, it bit her in the ass when her boyfriend found out, yes I told him. Her boyfriend was my best friend, both him and her are no longer my friends. Oh, well.
I was having issues with my relationship so I decided to break it off, but I wanted a reason. When he started to hang out with me and my friend deserted him, he started showing interest. There I had my reason, I know rather crummy of me, but this was the boy I wanted for eleven years! The boy that stole my heart without knowing it, the one that was kind to me, that liked me who I was when I was a kid. I wasn't going to let the opportunity slip through my fingers again. I dumped my boyfriend a month before I left for college, like a rock. The man-boy kissed me July 3rd and from then on things have worked out between us. We are going to the same school, we are attached to each others hips, since we live on campus we practically live with each other. I love the way he snores when he sleeps and the way he moves to match my sleeping position, when we argue it is hard for me to stay mad at him because of the way he looks so lovingly at me. Those eyes finally have their pierce back, and I never though I would say that I love someone that is able to read me as well as he does. Sometimes I pretend that he is mine, but deep down I know he's not. I hope, but sometimes hope doesn't change how ones instincts feels, he tells me he's mine, shows me otherwise sometimes, but I love him and I hope on marrying him and having his family. However, that is all up to him to decide.